Author : Felicia Yosiana Gunawan
12 Oktober 2012
(A/N : I wrote this note in English to fulfill my promise to the Lord. Well, enjoy.)
Let’s just admit it: it’s not easy to be hopeful while we feel pressed on both sides. Everyone must have felt this way, right? Well, I don’t know about you, but there are countless of times when my carnal mind yelled “Enough!” to my spirit. I, too, as a believer, often lost my hope and became tired of living my faith.
“You have to exercise your faith,” God once had told me.
At that time, all I had done was nodding in bewilderment.
But perhaps, I’d misinterpretated His words, as I’d often thought that faith stood alone—apart from hope. It was not long ago when God’d taught me a lesson about how all things are connected.
“Hope and faith cannot be separated, then?” I asked the Lord.
He nodded. “They cannot. None stands alone. The will not be complete without one another, as you cannot have faith without hope, and vice versa.”
“Then, does it mean that I should have hope in my faith? I’m getting more and more confused.” I know it was a simple matter, but somehow, it just didn’t click on my mind. “What does it mean to hope, Lord? Is it that I have to be hopeful that You’d fulfill Your promises in my life or something?”
A warm smile came upon His lips. I, once again, felt like a five-year-old asking her daddy how does the bird fly. “Don’t be confused.” He tilted His head slightly in wonder. “Hmm... Let’s see... What do you hope for, daughter?”
I blinked. “Huh? What do I hope for...?” A few ‘wishful thoughts’ came to my mind. Almost all of them were worldly, though. “I want to be a successful writer. I want to be able to help those around me. I want to become a better person. I want to be useful to You. I want to... well, see the Big Outpouring—Revival happening in my country. Do those count as hopes?”
“Yes, in a sense. But they’re more like what you desire and not what you hope for.”
“Is there a difference between desiring and hoping?”
“There is,” He said. “For instance, desiring means you’re wanting something to happen; something you’d thought of possible eventhough the chances may be slim. But hoping is far more than that, because it’s connected to the faith you have.”
More questions popped in my head, but I chose to keep silent. What was His point? What should I hope for then? Or rather, how should I hope...?
“Well, some questions you have,” He chuckled, reading my thoughts.
Yup, one benefit of being with the Lord is that you don’t really need words to communicate. The drawback? You practically have no place to hide and no secrets to hold.
“Have you ever heard a saying that says ‘hope renews one’s strength’?” He asked.
I nodded. “I think it’s in the Bible.”
“There are some verses talking about hope, and they are my favorite,” He said with a wink. My flickered curiosity seemed to amuse Him, since He began laughing softly against my ears as He drew me to His side. “You’re a thinker, daughter, and that is good. But sometimes, you have to drop your theories and carry on with only your faith and hope in your backpack. Think of them as a compass and a self-drawn map.”
I twisted my mouth in annoyance. For your information, I am a very insecure person when it comes into ‘walking blindly’ with the Lord. Theories, prejudices and anaylitical skills are my ‘weapons’ against my own fears. I always feel that I should calculate and speculate everything before I make a move, because if I felt like I was being dumbfounded or dumbstruck, I lost.
“Are You trying to criticize me?” I mumbled.
“Are You trying to criticize me?” I mumbled.
“More like correcting you,” He replied, His tone was pleasant and light. “This is what I meant, daughter: You’re lacking hope.”
Realization hit me slow. “Does it mean that I don’t trust You enough to have ‘hope’ in You...?”
“Sadly, yes. But we can fix that,” He added with a smile.
“How?”
“By building your hope on a steady ground called faith.”
Was this just me or I felt like I was being toyed with? “You’re talking in circles, Lord.”
And as usual, He simply laughed it off. God and His carefree persona... “Not carefree; I prefer the term ‘easy going’,” He quickly said, making me almost snicker in compliance.
“Okay, Dear Lord. So, how do we fix it, then?” I asked.
A vision of a white, crumbling tower came to me. “Is that my tower of hope?” I could saw a tall tower standing before me. The foundation was solid and strong, but the pillars supporting the tower were cracked it looked like it could fall at any time.
A vision of a white, crumbling tower came to me. “Is that my tower of hope?” I could saw a tall tower standing before me. The foundation was solid and strong, but the pillars supporting the tower were cracked it looked like it could fall at any time.
The Lord nodded once. He pointed His index finger at the bottom part of the tall tower. “Look at the foundation,” He said. “You’re planted to a solid ground. To the only solid ground, to be exact.”
“You,” I blatantly stated.
“Yes. Me.”
A verse about the Lord being my solid ground and rock was being replayed in my head. But when it led to the “He is my strong tower” part, my shoulders slumped. “I’m not building anything solid and strong at all. How come?”
“Your hope is currently based on things that you can see,” He softly stated. “You only hope for what you think is possible to happen. Your faith is solid, but it’s lacking hope and trust. You see, the foundation alone can achieve nothing. They cannot shelter you or bring you to a higher ground.”
Wisdom was teaching me as He spoke, enabling my spirit to understand His words. “I only hope for the things that I could imagine happening. I’m not brave enough to hope higher—I’m frightened of being dissapointed, eventhough I know that the Bible says ‘those who put their trust in the Lord shall never be dissapointed.’”
“That’s it,” He concluded. “Your hope is frail, and it’s a waste of a good foundation.”
I agreed. “You want to say that this is related to the ‘blind faith’ curriculum You’re teaching me about?”
“Everything is connected,” He chanted a phrase I’d remembered too well. “Now that you know what to do, we can fix your tower.”
“So I simply have to aim higher, then? Placing my hope higher in You without demanding things?”
“A humble heart is always the key to success,” the Lord reminded, and we both laughed.
