Author : Felicia Yosiana Gunawan
5
– 11 – 2012
Despite
having a wonderful harvesting month in the Lord, I had a feeling that somehow,
I’d let my guard down in these past two weeks. Well, there had been occassions
when I suffered from such a thing, but this time, I felt as if there was a leak
in my cauldron. Well, I knew I had been slacking off, and I also expected His
punishments to come—but this was more than I could bear. I was okay on the
surface, but deep down, my soul was deeply troubled. Let’s just say If I were a
volcano, then maybe the lake on the chasm was still and calm, but beneath the
crater, there was a great turmoil.
So
that night, I braced myself and went to the Lord in prayer.
“I’ve
been waiting,” said the Holy Spirit the second I bumped into Him.
Gosh.
That was some slap. I’d made Him wait.
“Be
at ease,” He said.
I
couldn’t, though. “I know my problems, Lord.”
He
nodded. “You do.”
Wisdom
was urging me to continue, so I did. “I have to work. But I slacked off. I’ve
disgraced Your Name by delaying.” After noticing that He wouldn’t speak until
the uneasyness in me faded through my words, I took a deep breath. “You want me
to speak. Why?”
You know the answer, Wisdom
replied.
“Yes,
I did. All this time I’ve been running away from You. I was scared to admit my
own weaknesses, and so, I ran and abandoned the work You’ve tasked me with.”
“And
why is that?”
“Because
I was too focused on my world and thoughts. I ditched Your Word and put your
promises in a drawer.”
The
Lord looked at me with a gaze which meaning I couldn’t decipher. I did spot
love and tenderness behind the gleaming orbs, but there was also a veiled
sadness and hurt behind them. I felt really bad.
I
cleared my throat. “Alright, then. Please help me to correct my mistakes, Dear
God. You know I can’t do anything right without You.”
“Everything
is simple, daighter,” He put in. “And everything works in accordance to my
Word. I didn’t mean to enslave you or use you for My own glory. I want you to be
successful, I want you to achieve many things, yes, but you cannot gain
anything outside of My will.”
“You’re
implying...”
Yes, said
Wisdom. You chose me a long time ago as a
companion, dear friend. And you know, through Me, that you can never be truly
happy and free without DOING His will first before yours.
As
I’ve stated before, I have many dreams. And subconsciously in these past two
weeks, I was trying to realize those dreams without His help and grace. I
remembered trying to build a storyboard for my fiction without praying to Him
first, and I also recalled the moments when I tried to develop my ideas without
consulting Him. “So,” I said almost absently, “this was the reason why there was a leak in me?”
The
Lord nodded once again. “Yes. And because of that, you ditched the tasks I’ve
given to you. And that is already two steps farther from My will.”
“Then
what can I do to amend—besides working for You again, I mean.”
“Make
a pact with Me.”
I
blinked. “A pact? Of what?”
I
couldn’t help but getting a feeling that the Lord was smirking at my question. “Of
a number of rules you have to follow for the time being,” He said with a grin. “There
are five things I want you to keep.”
I
quickly moved from my bed to grab a note and a pen. This was a challange. And
usually, God’s challanges would come with a great price. (The fruits gained
after completing those were nothing to be compared of the price, though).
“One.
Patience.”
I
pouted my mouth. “One of my biggest flaws,” I muttered while writing.
The
Lord only smiled in return. Then He continued. “Two. Run after Me.”
That
was not easy, I know. I had to fasten my pace were I to catch up with the goals
He’d set for me. I didn’t complain nontheless.
“Three.
Obedience.”
“That’s
hard,” I quickly said.
He
raised one eyebrow, as if everything should had been obvious. I shifted a bit
on the mattress, feeling dumb all of a sudden. “Uhh... Please continue.”
“Four.
Time.”
I
was instantly reminded of a servant of the Lord who was an aquintance of my
friend. I heard from her that this servant spends at least one hour of intense
communcation with the Lord each day. “It’s hard!”
I almost shouted.
“Well,
it is,” He replied. “But don’t you want to crucify your flesh?”
Good
point. “And what’s the last one?”
“Voice.”
“Huh?”
“Be
My Voice and speak to whom I order you to speak,” the Lord clarified. “Do not
seal your mouth and speak boldly in My Name. I’ve set this month to be a month
of ‘working’ for you. Enough meditating and contemplating, it’s time to reap
and sow.”
The
Lord’s calendar was never mistaken, as far as I could recall, so I chose to
comply by nodding. There was no harm in following a scheduled routine designed
by Holy Spirit for one month, I guess.
“Lastly,”
He said in conclusion, “write this conversation down. I want you to post it, so
many will be coming to Me and ask for a challange.”
Did
it, God.
